I’ve been putting off this entry for a few days now. Its been a back and forth battle between my pride and the truth. The truth shall always prevail…
I must confess: my happy ending, ended. There, the truth is out. The happy ending I conjured in my mind ended before it really ever began. With tons of advice and soul-searching, I realized it was probably for the best. It always is.
I, like many others, am a romantic. If you asked me a few months prior, I’d totally say I was a ‘helpless romantic’. However with only a few more weeks left in 2015, I’m beginning to see how overrated and troublesome a ‘helpless romantic’ title can actually be.
I met my soul mate in Vegas, or so I anticipated. I thought my prayers and the universe were finally merging, and I was meeting my one. Our conversation, ambition, likes and dislikes mirrored one another so much, it was uncanny. Every moment of the day, I felt it was too good to be true. Especially in a city such as mines where every guy was too fast or too married to even consider. I met what appeared to be a perfect gentleman. He was caring, considerate, driven and wanted to meet me in Vegas for our first date.
“Whhhaatt?” No one could believe it. Not even me! Everyday leading up to our first date in Vegas was nerve wrecking as you could imagine. My anxiety and “writer’s imagination” would attempt to drive me crazy thinking of all the things that could go wrong, but optimistically all of the things that could go right!
Here I am, this eccentric plus-sized fashion/beauty enthusiast from the East coast meeting a charming gentleman from the Midwest. I was head over heels infatuated. You had to pinch me every single day to remind me this was really happening. And it really happened…
I really flew across the country to be swept off my feet; literally and figuratively. He was everything I ever imagined. And of course, being wined and dined in Las Vegas was absolutely the icing on the cake. It was a magically romantic three days. What we shared in Vegas, some people may live their entire life and never experience.
Yes, what we had in Vegas was amazing, but what was the next step afterwards? I had so many questions over the next couple days, and received very little correspondence to even want to belt them out. So I did what I knew best: walk away and end things before I could get my heart broken. I told him, “What we had in Vegas, maybe should stay there.”
I’m a romantic. I believe in love stories. I believe that when a man truly loves you, he’ll do whatever he needs to keep you. He’ll never let you walk away. My Midwest Gentleman let me walk away for whatever reason…
On a more positive note, there’s so much I’ve learned about myself throughout this journey:
Don’t be afraid to step out of your comfort zone and live! It’s one thing to be alive, but another to actually live. Don’t wait for anyone else to live to experience life vicariously through them. Also with so many misconceptions around plus-sized women and our strength, I proved many odds to be wrong. We are strong, worthy and can experience anything a regular-sized woman can ! No matter your size or background, happiness does not discriminate. Don’t deny yourself of it. You are worth being spoiled like a queen or a king no matter how many times your mind may want to deceive you into believing anything less.
So maybe I didn’t get my King this time around, but I did come out a much stronger, confident and empowered woman than I did going in. Despite my quirky personality and curvy stature, there are still eligible, handsome gentlemen that find me utterly attractive: mentally and physically. I’ll never lower my standards. I am worth it.
“There’s someone amazing for everyone. Never settle for anything less.”